Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
