Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize