I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
