i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
