Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
