did you get engaged???
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I need water and some morals
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
