She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
