no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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