Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
