Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
