After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
