Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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