Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
