You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im calling her cock vulture from now on
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
