Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
