im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize