So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
zippers are such a cool invention
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
