Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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