You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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