i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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