not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
