i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
