ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
