I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
