I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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