Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
