I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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