Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
