I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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