he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
