Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
