It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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