so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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