Swine flu. Run for my life!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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