My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
