Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
