so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
