Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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