Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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