The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
