ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My balls are so social today.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
