My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
