I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
