Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
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Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
