I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize