Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
