Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
