She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
