So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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