is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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