i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
