Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
