How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
