We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
