when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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