im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
this just has baby written all over it
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
