i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
