My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
