I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize