All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
