Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
