maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
