I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
