Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I want to have your abortion
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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