If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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