WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize