I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
