dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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