this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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